When persistence is bad

Very bad - more like downright obnoxious.

When it comes to my home, I am a very private person. I never have people over, and I really don't appreciate uninvited visitors or solicitors. My blinds are almost always closed, and curtains cover the large windows in my front door.

Unfortunately, my neighbors have come to learn that I live alone, therefore if my car is in the driveway it most likely means I am home. Even more unfortunate is the fact that they obviously don't understand that my car in my driveway doesn't mean they should practically insist I answer the door.

Perfect example from last night: someone rang my doorbell (which immediately sent Zoe into a barking frenzy), and when I didn't come to the door, they rang it two more times in quick succession. When I still didn't answer the door, they rang it three more times in a row and also rapped on the window. The triple ring was repeated two more times.

Seriously? There are very few instances in which I would find this behavior appropriate.

1. I have an appointment with someone at my house at a specific time, but I don't answer the door upon the visitor ringing the bell.

2. Someone fears for my life and is therefore desperate that I come to the door and show that I am in fact okay.

Upon reflection of the highly irritating situation, I wish I had answered the door, very rudely, and screamed, "What the eff is so important?!"

From what I gathered after peering out of an upstairs window, my next door neighbor had a piece of my mail - something which I do not see as remotely earth shattering, and especially not cause for ringing my doorbell 12 times in less than two minutes.

Maybe I do keep a bit too much to myself, but I'm fairly certain such behavior is completely within my rights, no?

The dog doo saga continues

Retaliation is imminent.

As I was pulling into my driveway last night I spotted my neighbor, clad only in a bath towel and wife-beater tank top, leaving a note at my doorstep. I was on the phone with my mom at the time, but I immediately poked my head out my window and asked, “What’s wrong now?!” while I whispered to my mom, “I bet I’m getting another poop letter.” I only assumed so based on my neighbor's history - I did not in any way think I deserved another "poop letter."

My neighbor appeared embarrassed to have been caught red-handed leaving his ridiculous complaint. He said his daughter stepped in "dog doo" in my yard.

I was sure to remind him that I’m not the only dog owner in the neighborhood, that I DO pick up my dog’s doo and that 98.25% of the side yard is my property. Therefore, aside from the fact that I did in fact pick up every trace of dog doo on Saturday afternoon, if his daughter stepped in dog doo (where he indicated) on Sunday then she was likely on my property, because Bailey is only allowed to poop in the yard if he is on-leash, which provides him an allowance of about 3 feet from the side door. Let’s add that Bailey, Zoe and I were all away from our home from the time I picked up the yard Saturday until I arrived home to find the neighbor leaving me a stupid note.

Good lord – don’t people have better things to do anyway?! My lovely assistant has appropriately labeled said people as “poop Nazis.” My mother – one of the sweetest women ever to exist – said, “Those people need to get a life.” I concur.

As gross as it sounds, I know exactly what my dogs’ poo looks like, and I know there have been random/unknown loads dropped in my yard. Have I blamed anyone? No.

If I receive another accusatory letter I am sure I will lose it and verbally retaliate. I might be a smallish person (horizontally, not vertically), but I've got heft. Guess we’ll wait and see.

She with two dogs takes the blame

I received the following letter - thrown in the middle of my driveway - last Friday morning:

"May I respectfully ask you to pick up your dogs' poo, in the yard, as the pungent smell severely compromises the air quality with quality of living for your neighbors.

I thank you for your cooperation."

As I have ALWAYS picked up after both of my dogs, this letter is what I view to be yet another unwarranted attack. I've just about had it. Like my assistant said in reaction to my relaying the news to her, "You have a bunch of poo Nazi's in your neighborhood. That would bug the poo out of me (no pun intended)."

My response follows: (which has not been relayed to anyone but this blog)

1. I am not the only dog owner in our neighborhood;

2. I constantly pick up after my animals - with bio-degradable bags no less;

3. While I carefully knot each bag and toss it into the trash, on warm days there's not much I can do about a little stink. I won't apologize for that anymore than someone might at a swimming pool with a toddler and a dirty diaper.

If I lived in a neighborhood where even most dog owners were responsible enough to clean up after them, I would MAYBE be less offended by the accusations I've met this year. But that's the biggest problem - I am one of the only people in my neighborhood that I've ever seen stoop to bag a shit, so being blamed for not doing so is infuriating.

I know none of them are reading, but if they were, I'd want to tell my neighbors to eat shit.

Crazy Neighbor Chronicles: Inappropriate bin usage

I’ve mentioned my crazy, self-proclaimed neighborhood recycling captain, barking neighbor in an earlier post, and I must admit that his eccentric behavior – most often intended to be earnestly helpful – has as of late fallen a bit off my radar. In other words, he has not recently parked himself outside of my sliding glass door (kitchen) and barked at Zoe; he hasn’t accosted me with unending questions about my vehicle and why I should sell it to him; and he hasn’t recently polished my hubcaps to a shine that rivals a mirror’s reflection. (Yes, he has carried out all of the aforementioned on embarrassingly numerous occasions).

Before I explain my recent irritating episode dealt by the hand of my neighbor, I have to add just a tiny bit of back story.

Durham just recently made some major changes to the curbside recycling program. We now have a receptacle just as large as our trash bin for recycling. While recyclables will only be collected every other week as opposed to every week, the larger container (which I must say is far more convenient as it is easier to “wheel” to the curb) should provide most residents with ample room for packing in recyclables.

The new, larger recycling bins were left (one per household) at the end of each driveway in my neighborhood about a week ago. Instructions regarding usage were attached to each of the bins, including the date on which usage should begin. In my case the start date is July 13th.

Enter annoying neighbor – who I realize does a great deal for me – although solely by his own choice. I have never asked ANYTHING of him - not the time, no favors, nothing. In fact, I recently realized that I’ve also never thanked him for anything. I know that makes me sound horrible, but I guess I didn’t want him to feel like he should expect anything in return, nor should he feel expected to continue to do anything for me. I honestly thought he would’ve stopped everything by now, but he remains undeterred.

On to the recent frustration.

As I exited through my kitchen Monday night to retrieve my garbage can, I wasn’t shocked - albeit annoyed - to find that both my trash and recycling bins were missing. The recycling bin - the one we're not supposed to use until July 13th - had been taken from my back yard and filled to the brim with items that were entirely not mine.

I fumed momentarily and then decided to write a note to Crazy Neighbor. I reminded him that the large bins aren’t to be used until July 13th and that he needed to remove his items from my bin so it would be empty when I am ready to use it. I taped the note to my bin and parked it in the middle of his driveway. (This was done after 11 pm or I probably would’ve confronted him directly, as I’ve had to before).

Yesterday morning, my bin remained full and had only been moved to the right of his driveway. Last night upon returning home from work I saw that the bin was no longer there, but it’s also not in my backyard.

Looks like Crazy Neighbor is going to get a visit from Bitterly Annoyed Me on Thursday. RAWR!

Stereo update

Stereo is installed - although my fingers are sore from twisting all those darn receiver adapter wires. Ouch. One of my crazy neighbors sat on his car staring at me for the first hour while I worked and cursed to myself. It was embarrassing and very annoying.

I had to make two separate calls to the support line and I lost daylight before I could put my car back together again, but at least the stereo and the A/C both work.

As I told the Crutchfield staff on the phone, I was less than impressed with the way the instructions were laid out. There were several unnecessary steps, and had they been labeled as "optional" I would've saved myself at least 90 minutes.

If you're ever thinking of replacing your car stereo and you're not an automotive whiz, I suggest avoiding the headache and having your new stereo installed by a professional - or at least a knowledgeable friend.

I hope to put all the interior CR-V panels back in place without incident or difficulty tomorrow.

I sure hope sweating my ass off and stressing that I was completely breaking my car was worth it!

More on poop

As I've reported before, I am very responsible about picking up after my doggies. In fact, when I go over the perimeter of our cul-de-sac with my pooper scooper, I make a point to pick up ALL visible poop - knowing that it does not all belong to Bailey or Zoe.

When I took Zoe out yesterday to do her business, as she was in mid-dump I heard a woman's voice scream at me, "It'd be really awesome if you'd pick that up!" before the car she was in drove away. It took me a second to realize she was yelling at me, so I didn't have enough time to respond.

Had I had time to respond, I would've yelled, "I always do!!!" But instead, I spent the better part of the afternoon fuming at her accusation.

I know the next time I see her I'm going to have a hard time not confronting her. I'd want to tell her that I do always pick up after my dogs and that I am not the only dog owner in the neighborhood. Regardless of those facts, I'd want to tell her that she shouldn't shout accusations at people unless she witnesses them leaving excrement in the grass. Or I'd want to tell her that a real jerk might smear their dog's poop on her car if she continues to scream undeservingly at innocent dog-walkers. (I would never do that, but some people might).

What would you do if you were me? Would you ever say anything to her? Am I being overly-sensitive?

I probably am being overly-sensitive, but I don't like being treated like a disrespectful neighbor when I have always taken poop pick-up seriously.

Shit happens...

I apologize for the crude title, but dog poop is taking over the neighborhood and it's starting to infuriate me.

I remember when I lived in Michigan, where it could snow from October to April. Once May rolled around, I couldn't walk from my apartment to my car without gagging from the smell of dog doo. People were too lazy, or too cold, or didn't want to risk stepping in some other lazy dog-owners shit pile to pick up after their pets. The spring "shit thaw" reeked every year.

Now it's come down south and it's gross.

I fully admit that some of Bailey and Zoe's after-dark poops are left until the following morning or afternoon, because I definitely do not trust the nearby ground to be free of land mines for my unsuspecting shoes. However, I always make a sweep the following day. In fact, I often make a sweep with my pooper scooper once a week - picking up doggie droppings that I know do not belong to my pups. I'll spare you the details, but both Bailey and Zoe have very distinguishable droppings.

If I have TWO dogs, and I pick up 99% of their excrement, why can't my neighbors make the tiniest of efforts to help keep our neighborhood from smelling like a port-a-potty?! In fact I have been thanked, on more than one occasion, by passersby witnessing my clean-up efforts.

Without getting too graphic, I will concede that there are certain instances when "clean-up" is not possible. For example, poor Bailey has always had a rather sensitive stomach, so I have seen my fair share of distressing gastrointestinal episodes. THAT is excusable.

Walking your dog through my cul-de-sac to poop at will, without making an effort to remove the offense (repeatedly, mind you) is unforgivable.

I don't feel that picking up after my dogs is going above and beyond the call of duty - I think it is considerate and should be expected. Does anyone think I am being unreasonable?

And if you do think I'm being unreasonable, I invite you to take a stroll through my neighborhood. No nose plugs allowed.

The Lawnmower Man

As mentioned last week, on Thursdays I telework and normally get a ton of work done due to the lack of interruptions and distractions in the office. Yesterday – or at least yesterday morning – that was not the case thanks to aforementioned crazy neighbor (aka recycling captain, psycho weedwhacker, tiny dog tormentor). I will refer to him as CN for the remainder of this post.

While I often find it convenient that CN cuts my grass (especially since he uses his own lawnmower and his own gas), there are occasions when his kind deed is unwelcome. For example, I do not appreciate it when he decides that “operation neighborhood lawn trim” is to take place on Saturday morning at 6:30 a.m. I call it “operation neighborhood lawn trim” (ONLT) because he also cuts other neighbors’ lawns, so when he starts at 6:30, he’s not done until around 9:30 because he has a mower with a bag that often has to be emptied. Houses are very close to each other in this neighborhood, so I hear the mower the entire time.

So, yesterday morning ONLT kicked off at 7:30. Since Zoe's sense of hearing rivals that of dolphins, she was immediately on full enemy alert: frantically pacing between my bedroom windows, barking her head off, jumping into the window sills and pawing the glass. It goes without saying that I got out of bed at 7:32, even though I could've slept until almost 9:00...GRRRR!

Thank goodness I am usually gone to work when CN carries out ONLT, because this is how the rest of the morning went...

Zoe made wild laps around the house, attacking each window and the kitchen's sliding glass door as she followed CN on his mowing path. Of course Bailey barked the whole time because Zoe was barking. Bailey was comic relief in this instance because I really don't think he knew what he was barking at. He didn't even get off of his bed. He wasn't even barking in the direction of the noise OR Zoe. I should really call him "My Clueless Houdini."

At one point, I surprised CN when I threw back the kitchen curtain to find him taunting Zoe, who was violently throwing herself at the glass door. She's only 7 1/2 pounds, but the door was shaking. He really thought his actions were funny. I did NOT agree.

I'm starting to realize that the following two things are in order:

1. CN needs a serious talking to, or a good scare from Zoe (off-leash).
2. I'm going to have to start mowing my own lawn again.

Carolina Blue Skies

Yesterday's weather was absolutely perfect - crisp, cool, and sunny with clear blue skies. Since I get to work from home on Thursdays, I was able to enjoy it a bit more than if I'd been at the office (where I don't have a single window and I'm on the third floor so quick outdoor breaks aren't possible). Here's the view of the sky from my driveway.



My windows were opened all of Wednesday night and yesterday, but my hair stayed straight and my eyes weren't running or puffy - this translates to no humidity and low allergen levels in the air. Too bad it's going to be 80 degrees again next week. I wish fall would get here already!

If you read the post from September 24th, then you know what Zoe is doing in the next two photos. Her ears are pricked in the first one because my crazy neighbor had just slammed his car door. Zoe hates that neighbor, and I'm not wild about him either. He's the one who rearranges my recycling and always loiters in my yard. Oh, and he barks and lunges at Zoe when I walk her. He thinks it's funny, but one of these days I'm going to let her go and then he won't be laughing! Maybe I'll even train her to sic balls like Chopper.

Address mix-ups & impending bad karma...

Yesterday morning when someone rang my doorbell I ignored it as usual, waited for the dogs to settle down, and then descended the stairs to the front door where I found a neatly folded invoice on my welcome mat. I knew what it was for before I opened it. You see, the people who owned my house before me didn’t have the sense to forward their mail, much less to cancel all of the regular services they had scheduled. So their exterminator service continued for more than a year after I moved in – the occasional invoice left at the door but no payments made whatsoever by me, as not one of those invoices had my name on it.

Then for about 8 months nothing, then the invoices started popping up again, but this time with the wrong address on them. I live in a cul-de-sac, with another cul-de-sac on the opposite side of the cross street. (To prevent myself from being found out by the neighbor, I am changing the street names, but all you need to know is that the street names are similar). My street is Dobson, the opposing street is Dobb’s Way. The intended recipient of the exterminator’s services has the same numerical address as I do, so this is an obvious error on the part of the exterminator. Now let me tell you why I’ve let this continue for so long (although I’m starting to feel guilty about it now that it has been going on for more than a year).

The mix-up between myself and the same neighbor occurred with annoying frequency with respect to packages delivered by DHL. I consistently received packages that were neither addressed by name nor physical address to me. They were always addressed to my numerical twin neighbor on Dobb’s Way. Every time I received one of his packages, I immediately delivered it to him in person or left it on his porch. On one occasion he was home so when I introduced myself and explained the situation, he replied with, “yeah, I think I have some mail of yours.” After sifting through a huge pile of crap on his counter, he handed me a mangled Blockbuster envelope containing a movie I should’ve received more than a month before. (I had reported it as “lost in the mail,” and they sent me another copy, weeks before this incident).

Assuming (likely correctly) that he had no intention of making an effort to return my mail to me on his own, I felt no guilt the first time I realized my house had mistakenly been given his perimeter treatment. I mean really, who knows how much of my mail has been delivered to the Bermuda mail triangle that is the house on Dobb’s Way? I recall one likely instance in particular, which cost me a late fee on a credit card and a huge headache to boot. On top of that, it took 4 phone calls and my insistence to speak with a manager to stop the DHL deliveries - more time than I like to spend correcting an error that really doesn't severely impact my life, and it irritated me that said neighbor NEVER contacted DHL about the problem. Of course most of these errors were facilitated by the mailman and other delivery men, etc rather than my neighbor, but he’s guilty of a far more loathsome thing – sheer laziness, as well as a lack of common courtesy!

So what do you think? Am I a terrible person? No matter what you think, if you utilize any services that do not require your personal signature, I suggest you occasionally confirm that the services are being carried out. After all, my neighbor might not realize his house isn't getting sprayed until he's overrun by roaches!

Green Tuesday

Tuesday is trash and recycling pickup day at our house. I never gave much thought to the trash/recycling pickup, as I'm sure most of us don't, since all it really requires is dragging some bins to the curb for emptying. Well, not at my house, oh no.

I began to notice some strange "rearranging" early on, but never questioned it because hey, what do I care as long as my waste doesn't end up in the local landfill? After a few weeks of random recyclables showing up in my bin (strangely while my own were missing) the mystery was somewhat solved.

My parents were visiting, and my dad is an über recycler/trash picker-upper/composter extraordinaire. He has always asked that I save my aluminum cans for him (I'm a Diet Dr. Pepper junkie) because he turns them in for profit in Winston-Salem. I must interject here that dear Kendall is not trying to make a buck off of our carbonated addictions, but he is merely getting a small reimbursement for helping to clean up our surroundings.

So, back to the explanation. My dad was in town and had picked up a few cans roadside. Strange man approached my dad and practically forced him to hand over the aluminum, while proclaiming that he is the neighborhood "recycling captain."

I admit I have never attended a neighborhood or Home Owners Association meeting, but I get enough mail to fill me in on the rules and regulations and I can assure you there are no "recycling captains."

Perhaps I shouldn't really complain, since Strange man takes it upon himself to mow my lawn with his own lawnmower (and gas), even though I have a perfectly capable lawnmower. Had he not destroyed some of my projects that were drying on my front porch (yes, they were made out of cardboard, but you would think that to MOST people the objects weren't recycling) I would probably be singing his praises.

However, he recently terrified a group of my friends, at my house for a party, by weed whacking with a bit too much zeal and no communication with bystanders. Some of them compared him to Leatherface.  Jeez.