Gym hazards

For the last year and a half I’ve made a very serious effort to keep a regular exercise schedule. I’ve been relatively successful, but lately I’ve begun to wonder if I’m not doing myself more harm than good. Honestly, the last several times I’ve been to my little secret gym (in a secret Durham neighborhood), I’ve nearly had a heart attack while attempting to keep stride on the elliptical machine.

I mean really, must all men allow weights to slam down in a deafening crash every three out of ten times that the weight is lifted? It doesn’t help that the cardio machines are positioned so that one’s back is always to the weight machines, meaning that there is never any warning prior to SLAM! I have unintentionally leapt off of equipment more than once in response to said deafening crashes. I even spontaneously screamed out, “Jeez Louisous!” once, but alas no reaction, and no change in weight-lifting behavior.

It has been quite a while since I’ve been a member at a gym (mind you, my secret gym is not really even public, but rather a private neighborhood facility), but I don’t remember any previous facilities to which I was a member as similar to a high school football weight room. So again, I ask, what gives?

My little secret gym also offers an individual satellite television per cardio station and an additional one that faces the main weights area. While not as annoying as the slamming of heavy weights, when more than one tenant is in the gym at a time, there is sometimes an “entertainment conflict.”

What I mean is that I have literally had others try to “out-volumize” me. As a secret member, I always concede (turn off my TV), but then the louder tenant always looks at me and asks, “Oh, was I bothering you?” Of course I say no, and for the most part I mean it since I’m lucky to have access to the secret gym at all, but really, why would they ask unless they were aware of their obnoxious volume?

Nevertheless, despite the slamming and the volume competitions, and the occasional lack of hot water and soap, I know how lucky I am to have access to such a nice facility. Thank you to my secret friend in the secret Durham neighborhood for accommodating me!