Madness: a book review (with notes on Wasted)

I became a fan of Marya Hornbacher when I read her Pulitzer-prize nominated book, "Wasted." The book follows Marya through her struggle with both anorexia and bulimia, which began for her at the tender age of nine. When I bought the book in 1998, I was still a bit of a slave to my own anorexic tendencies. I hadn't yet banished my demons, much less the voices of some of my more cruel sorority sisters who took pleasure in mocking me. (I would like to say those jabs didn't faze me, but those girls were mean).

Nevertheless, to those who insist that "Wasted" reads like a "how-to" book for anorexics; or that it contains profoundly inappropriate scenarios; I say P-SHAW!

I found comfort in Marya's stark depiction of herself as a young girl in the throws of an addictive DISEASE. Having lived through an eating disorder that lasted the better part of six years, I feel qualified to suggest that "Wasted" is a powerfully realistic memoir and nothing more.

But "Madness" tells the story of a very late second chapter in Marya's life. It details the events that led up to her diagnosis of Type I, rapid-cycle bipolar disorder, as well as the events and behavior that accelerated her descent into madness. Sadly, bipolar diagnoses were not widely accepted when Marya was a child, so her path to recovery didn't even begin until she was twenty four years old, and even then she had a very long way to go.

Her behavior as a child (as told by her own account) was so bizarre that I kept finding myself yelling aloud, "HOW could they not know something was VERY wrong with her?" The below is a short caption depicting her manic behavior at age FOUR (this doesn't even mention her obsession with chanting "I don't care says Pierre!")

"The goatman," I whisper, agitated. "He's in my room. He came while I was sleeping. You have to make him leave. I can't sleep. Will you read to me?" I hop about, crashing into the nightstand. "Can we make a cake? I want to make a cake, I can't go to school tomorrow, I'm scared of Teacher Jackie, she yells at us, she doesn't like me, Mom, the goatman, do you have to go to work tomorrow? Will you read to me?"

"Madness" also hit home because my ex-boyfriend, who I dated off and on for six years, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years before we finally broke up.

While reading some of Marya's "play-by-play" descriptions of her episodes, I became sick to my stomach. Denial is a powerful thing. See below thoughts of Marya, recorded just minutes after she received her official diagnosis:

"Biploar? Kind of an overstatement, but whatever. Just another name from yet another shrink...It's not like I'm sick. I'll take the meds...Back to normal in a jiffy, back to my usual good mood. And surely no one needs to know; why focus more on what a fuckup I am? They'll take it wrong and make a fuss. This is really no big deal. I'll be good as new...I'm immensely pleased with myself for changing my thoughts in this so-healthy-way."

Sadly, I can say I had MANY conversations with myself that were remarkably similar (okay, nearly identical) to the aforementioned snippet from "Madness."

Thankfully, I am now almost completely comfortable in my own skin. And yes, reading books like "Wasted" and "Madness" helped me tremendously. I adamantly believe that anyone who truly feels these memoirs are harmful is a misinformed blockhead. I shouldn't be surprised though, even my own father expected me to "just snap out of it." If it had only been that easy.

I'd recommend these books to anyone. But especially if your life has been touched by any type of mental disorder, "Wasted" and "Madness" are top-notch, truly autobiographical, informative works of literature.